By Dr. Bọ́lá Adéwará
Mentoring Masterclass
Video of Fighting Couple
I just watched this video that left me shaken. A husband and a wife, two people who once stood before God and witnesses, dragging each other around the kitchen, fists flying, bodies colliding, words long gone, reason completely absent. Not strangers. Not enemies. Husband and wife fa! How does a marriage descend to this level? How do two people who once promised love, honour, and protection become combatants in their own home?
Many homes look calm from the outside, yet inside them rage storms like this, unchecked anger, unresolved bitterness, accumulated insults, and wounded pride. We clap for wedding pictures but refuse to interrogate the daily work of marriage. We celebrate beginnings and ignore maintenance.
Where is forgiveness? Where is mutual respect? Where is the wisdom to walk away when tempers are hot? Where is the maturity of the man, called the head of the home, not as a tyrant, but as a stabiliser?
At some point in that home, there was only an issue, a disagreement. That is normal. Couples disagree. But disagreement became a heated argument. The argument became raised voices. Raised voices became raised hands. And suddenly, the kitchen became a battlefield. Where is shame? Where is self-control? Where is the consciousness that children may be watching, children whose idea of love, safety, and marriage is being violently rewritten before their eyes?
Parents are role models, whether they like it or not. When children see their father and mother behave like beasts, they learn fear instead of security, aggression instead of dialogue, trauma instead of trust. This must be said plainly: a man has a higher burden of restraint in the home. Headship is not volume. It is not fists. It is not intimidation. It is responsibility.
*WHAT MUST A HUSBAND DO TO PREVENT ARGUMENTS FROM BECOMING OPEN FIGHTS?*
First, he must master himself. A man who cannot control his anger cannot lead a home. Silence is sometimes leadership. Walking away is sometimes victory.
Second, he must de-escalate, not dominate. When voices rise, he must lower his. When emotions burn, he must cool the space. Strength is shown in restraint, not retaliation.
Third, he must know when to pause the conversation. No issue is so urgent that it must be resolved in rage. “Let us talk later” can save a marriage.
Fourth, he must protect the dignity of his wife, even in disagreement. Once respect is lost, violence is only a step away.
Finally, he must remember the children. Every argument is a lesson. Every reaction is a sermon. Every outburst leaves a mark. Marriage is not a boxing ring. The home is not a battleground. Love cannot survive where anger is constantly given the right of way.
If we do not relearn forgiveness, respect, patience, and emotional discipline, we will keep producing broken homes filled with living strangers, and wounded children who will one day repeat what they saw. What a marriage? Or rather, what have we allowed marriage to become?
